I wrote a version of the following to my sister this morning and thought it was "blog-worthy" so here it is...
I have been very sad this past week, thinking about some things my sister and Mom communicated that underscored for me some of what my illness required me to lose. It is odd to me that I seem to be more aware of losses suffered now that I'm actually recovering. Hmmm.
In writing to my sister I stated the following, "but until then, I'll be sad," which revealed something new I didn't realize about myself. I see that I have been thinking "until then" meaning "when" I am well again I will automatically have the roles back I once had in peoples' lives. That may (or even probably) won't be the case. Hmm...need to digest that some more, and while I think it means a bit more 'grieving', it's also an insight and pearl of wisdom to consider and pass on to someone when the moment is right.
The Byrds wrote a song that came to mind called "Turn, turn, turn" using words from Ecclesiastes. And what I am learning is that the roles I was privileged to hold in some lives was for only a season. And it was shorter than I anticipated. The 'pearl' here for me is that whatever you have now, cherish it. Whether good or bad, it is only for a brief period and if it is good, hold it all the more dearly and use it to it's fullest potential as you may not have it tomorrow. This harsh winter is sort of an example: Many times the bitter winter seemed it would never end, when if fact the warmth and thawing came suddenly. We often feel something will never end but we are fools to believe that. Only God is forever.
So back to my mourning: I was "dumping" on my friend Deb yesterday about it and seeking some insight to it...and just plain emoting all over the floor! And she said she would pray for me to work it out...I think between my sister, my friend, and God I just might have solved a big part of it.